Longest chill out of all time... yet still stressed.

If you've known me long enough, you will probably know by now that I can't just do nothing. My mind NEEDS to be continuously stimulated, even if that is by lazing about in a field chatting with friends.

Naturally this ridiculous 6 month break was a terrifying thought for me - 6 months, of potentially nothing. It doesn't help that seeing as last terms loan is long gone, and I'm already in my overdraft in order to pay for the new house (which I will get onto later); I have no money. At first, I thought to myself that you don't need money to have fun, only terribly materialistic and spoilt people think like that. However I've learnt to see things from a whole new angle. In this day and age, even a quiet, chilling walk through a country park can't be done without having cash.

Firstly, there's the petrol money, which this year seems to have increased to some almighty sums, just the other day I saw petrol being sold for £1.26.9 a litre. Absolutely scandalous. Then, once you've filled your car up, you have to pay to park.

Of course there are other past times, but everything seems to cost you money in some way or another. There's only so many times you can see how far you can walk from your house, or go cycling to some 'far off distant land'.

So with this in mind I've decided to put the whole cash flow issue aside, and although still being really careful, the 'no spend' limit has gone out the window.

I start work soon, I met George, a guy with Cerebral Palsy who I'm 'befriending' over the summer the other day. It's really difficult, in all honesty. Although I know it will get easier. With my sis, Chloe, she makes it VERY clear what she wants in some way or another and considering I've grown up with her, I can understand her speech, even if to others it sounds like some kind of alien Language, but George isn't vocal, and you have to work with 'Yes / No questions', or at least thats how I have to start until I get a better grasp upon how to communicate well. Although my first meeting was quite awkward, I'm looking forward to starting. It will be a really good experience, as well as being highly rewarding, and needless to say, helping with the money situ.

I'm also starting with my guy with Asbergers soon, which I'm also looking forward to. I'm running a film making course with him, to hopefully inspire him into something other than trouble making.

I've been back in Loughborough for a bit now, and it's weird...

...I feel like in many ways things arn't the same anymore. I feel drifted from the old friendship group, and for the first times we're all shouting to each other from different levels of maturity. I don't know what it is, but the spontaneity and 'randomness' isn't there anymore, and although I hate to admit it, maybe we're all just growing up? I'm 20 next year - eugh.

I went to the pub last night, and saw a load of people I hadn't seen for a long time. After the night was though, and I'd decided to 'let my hair down' after a long spell of going without, I got home, covered in mud after rolling around in Quorn park, or what was Quorn park and falling asleep. I woke up this morning feeling dreadful, and have decided to stop drinking. I hate myself drunk, like really genuinely hate how I act so although it's not a complete cease in drinking, the student cultural thing of drinking till you can't remember is leaving my lifestyle.

Back to London in a few days! Moving house, that's gonna be fun. There's a hell of a lot of cash exchanging hands next week, but our new house is amazing and I really can't wait to move all my stuff in and explore etc... I'm driving my dads car there so that I have more room to move stuff about. Wish me luck!

I've just realised that this is probably the longest entry I've ever done... so I'm going to stop blabbing! I'll write after the move with some pics!

Loves!

Flan x